About

what can i say about ieatpants? what haven’t the gossip rags already covered?

ieatpants is a person named brandon eugene miller who lives in bristol in the southwest of england. he was born in ohio, usa, but loved the show “yes, minister” so much that he just had to come see this bumpy land. he makes music with his guitars, computers, and wacky effects pedals.

the first band ieatpants ever played in was called “nerves in patterns” or some such nonsense… or maybe that was the name of the song? ieatpants doesn’t remember. who cares? no one, that’s who. well, it was an experimental university band, but with no vocals and i think we covered mozart. this was in the fine city of cleveland, ohio, usa.

next up was another cleveland band: jane’s hetfield addiction, aka, james’ hetfield addiction. jha was awesome—two guitarists, a bassist, and a trumpeter. jha wrote song titles that were long and silly to distract from the fact that they were an instrumental rock band without a drummer. regardless, jha managed to record several great tunes. unfortunately, only one is still available—go ahead and listen to “we obey the laws of physics, all the while pretending it is a great struggle between man and god” — remember the warning about the titles?

well, jha broke up and for a while ieatpants changed his name to “admiral manpants.” of course, he wasn’t a real admiral, but that’s not the point… the point was that a new rock band was formed: invincible guitar. now, many things have been written about this juggernaut of a band, but dear reader, you only need to know two things about them: 1. invincible guitar played at the loudest level possible and with the most guitarists possible at all times, and 2. invincible guitar fucked your girlfriend (but in a like, ironic kind of way, y’know? i mean, the only thing we were actually fucking was all the equipment we broke. cause we didn’t know what the heck we were doing [sorry for all the swear words]).

now, you’re probably thinking, “lame.” well, in many ways, you are correct.

eventually, the cleveland-based titan that was invincible guitar eventually got old and retired. briefly morphing into the power ballad manufacturing company “the weeping pussies” (again, sorry about all the gross words).

admiral manpants moved to brookly, new york, usa, where after several drunken recording sessions in his threadbare queens apartment, “ieatpants” was born. the first single “hydration nation” went all the way to the top. the top of ieatpants’ myspace playlist, that is. after a few more drunken recording sessions, more hits were hit upon. “don’t make fun of marty mcfly, rush limbaugh” was quietly whispered into a 4-track and onto the internet, where two or maybe even three, people listened in awe—well, listened, at least. that was january 28, 2007.

that first collection of songs is still lingering in the dark, waiting for a proper re-mastering and release. it was just a sketchpad, though, and ieatpants was not idle. he quickly manufactured another set of boring lo-fi songs that the world might ignore or possibly even hate…

quickly, move forward in time to the summer of 2009. ieatpants and doctor infinity (former guitarist and mastermind behind the concept of invincible guitar) were briefly united in queens to write and record a batch of drunken euphemisms under the name of “the gentlemen of the western reserve.” the admiral briefly became ralpherson g mandible. doctor i become alfred j proofcock. they were joined by a female vocalist—gentleman carrie—and professional drummer/cellist/mandolier/bassist/all around awesome dude—gentleman kyle. well, the good doctor moved on to ireland, the other gentlemen became bored, and ieatpants was once again alone.

but was he alone?
yes.

in 2012, the pants-man finally finished and released the empire never ended, the philip k dick concept album. several loud, slightly annoyed sighs were heard reverberating around the internet.

ieatpants went on a short jaunt in 2016 that led him to ireland for a short time, and then, in january 2018, he landed in bristol where he currently resides. this is likely permanent as he is completely out of gas (petrol) for his not-magic, purely-driven-by-physics, flying-and-travel-machine.

cheerio!